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5.15.2009

Silence-Again & Again & Again

When I wrote my original version of "Silence" for "TAT" I wrote about a writer that was dejected because of a rejected book. I did not choose a gender for "The Writer" because I wanted to present something about the silence of disappointment. The disappointment happens to all writers from the very accomplished to the beginning blogger who wants to write. Bloggers are exploring their ability to write. We Bloggers want to write something really great and have the world discover us and send money. Maybe some just want to be read but you must admit it would be awesome to get a few bucks for writing. When we do not get any response for what we have written we really get disappointed. I guess having my writer commit suicide was a little drastic but I did want to make a point. Amias wrote, "Oh my, Grizz, did he have to kill him/her self? I didn't expect this ending." That comment made me think about the story again and again and again. So I rewrote the story adding gender. In the first rewrite the subject was a young girl disappointed in romance and she ended up offing herself. I thought "why am I always ending the story with suicide". I have had my share of romantic disappointments and I have never considered suicide. So I rewrote the story again opting for a male subject who was also disappointed with a bad romance. In this version I was able to end the story with hope. Here is my hope version and I simply called it "HE". If it works better for you, go ahead and change the gender. I dedicated this version to "Amias" "HE" He sat alone on the cold wet planks at the end of the pier. His legs were dangling over the edge and his bare feet almost touched he water but not quite. He wanted to feel the cold water with his feet but he did not want jump in. Well maybe he would jump or maybe he wouldn't. He really wasn't sure.what he wanted to do. The silence was eerie. The water did not move and it seemed as if the fog was a blanket someone had just taken out of the freezer. At first it shocked him but the coffee helped. He was holding the cup between his legs and using it to warm his hands. As he looked at the water it seemed to call him. It was hypnotizing him, daring him to enter the silent water and he was ready to take the dare. Why not, no one would care, especially her. She had left no doubt about that. He could still hear her saying "I'm sorry, I'm leaving, I have too". The words echoed through his head. He could still see her face. She was young and beautiful. There were tears in her brown eyes and on her freckled cheeks. Her long auburn hair was beautiful even in her sadness. He could see her standing on the water just out of his reach. He could hear her saying, "I'm sorry. I was wrong, I love you, please come home". Her beauty was drifting in the silent fog. Her tears were falling into the silent water. He could see her. He wanted her to be there but she wasn't. A fog horn echoed a low sounding wail from across the bay and nudged him back to reality. The silence of the night had been broken. The silence of the water interrupted and the cold silent fog seemed to disappear. He shivered. No, he thought, I will not give in. I will go back. I will find her. I will fight to win her back. He rose and walked silently through the lifting fog with new found hope. A silent voice urged him on.

3 comments:

Dee Martin said...

Sad image but I like how you gave him hope at the end!

Old Grizz said...

Dee
Thank you for spending a moment with me and thank you for commenting

linda may said...

Oh Grizz, I am not feeling strong today and this made me feel like crying.

About Me

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So Cal, United States
I am an apprentice writer of short stories and I also attempt a little poetry.