grandpa grunt

One of the God-Awful things about getting older is the dreaded Colonoscopy or as I call it, the "up-your-butt-a-recto my". You guessed it, my time has come and gone but I got another clean bill of health.

However when I go through those exams I always remember my grandpa. Grandma called him "Grandpa Grunt". He came by the nickname naturally enough by spending hours on the pot grunting.

In his later years, his whole life was eating, preparing to poop and then grunting for hours until he did.

In fact he made so much noise that grandma made him build an outhouse in the forest behind their house. Because he was ornery he only built the bench and he put it where grandma could see him from the kitchen window. She could barely hear him but when she looked out the window there he was in all his glory setting on the bench with both hands and both feet pushing down as hard as he could to give him leverage to complete his mission. In those days they did not know about Diverticulitis or as I like to call it "Diver-balloon-i-osis". Little balloons are formed in the intestine walls from pushing extra hard to create a bowel movement. Grandpa had never been told that he could cause this problem so he continued to eat and push. I believe he pushed so hard for so long that he created balloons in his stomach big enough to cause him to levitate. That's right, he would levitate. He would be grunting and pushing there on his bench and all of the sudden he would rise up into the air and then he would settle back down on the bench to complete his mission. I think he was to embarrassed to tell anyone about it but grandma would see him go up and say, “Grandpa has to stand half way up to complete his duty" She thought his feet were still on the ground but they weren't, he was levitating. It was obvious that some combination of the food he was eating created gases. The balloon pockets got big enough to hold enough gas to make him rise or as I said, he would levitate.

On the day after the Thanksgiving of 19 and 26 grandpa was having more trouble than usual and his grunts became actual screams. He was pushing so hard and creating so much gas that he began to levitate but this time he didn't come back down. He just kept going up. A half naked man levitated into the air and disappeared over the horizon. We never saw grandpa again. No one knows where he ended up or what happened to him. Grandma heard his screams and looked out the window just in time to see him disappear over the horizon. She believed the Angels came and took him away. I believe he rose so high that the balloons in his stomach exploded and he became fertilizer for some farmer’s field. However, that is just my theory.


to be or not to be.........honest

Several weeks ago I was in an accident on the freeway.  It was not a serious accident, only a minor fender bender.  I was the last in line of a 3 car rear-ender.  The damage to my truck was minor but the repair estimate was $500.00.  Not a great amount but an amount no one wants to cough up for something they did not cause.  My insurance said that since the damage was less than my deductable I would have to pay.  I said someone hit me.  I did not hit them.  Well, the response was, you will have to go after the other insurance company.  My big mistake was that I was honest.  Was anyone hurt they ask?  I said no, it was just a minor poke in the butt.  Had I been dishonest and complained about a sore neck I may have been able to collect enough to pay for my truck repairs.  Good old honest Grizz may have to pay his own repairs.
This week our writing instructor informed us that our class has been canceled.....again.  It had already been canceled by the school because we didn't have the requird amount of students in the class.  The instructor offered to continue the class and the members could donate a little money if they wanted to.  It was in no way mandatory.  We agreed to pay $5.00 a week so the instructor would not lose any money.  This worked out fine until the school admin said it was illegal and that our instructor could not continue the class.  This story also goes back to the issue of honesty.  At the beginning of the class we knew we were short of students and it was suggested we enroll our spouses, neighbors or anyone else we could get to put on the records.  The class was free, so we would not be cheating the school out of money but the instructor said no because it wasn't honest.  We were honest and the class was canceled and the instructor was not allowed to continue per an agreement with her students.
Two instances of honesty resulted in a loss of money and a writing class.  Should we or I have cheated?  Does our society encourage cheating?  I say no to the first question.  Some times I feel as if my honesty is the only thing I have.  The loss of the money won't break me and I will enroll in another writing class next semester.  What the hey, I always have blogging.
However, I do believe that our society does encourage cheating, expecially on insurance matters.  It seems most people believe that if they don't cheat they won't get a fair deal.  They may be right.  I do not know.  I do know that how I feel about myself is more important that money or a writing class.


the military & maj. hasan

As I watch the news about the Ft Hood Shootings I wonder who & what the reporters are.  I know the news "faces" only read the news.  They have to get their information from researchers or grunt reporters.

How could he have been promoted?  Doesn't anyone check these people out?  The answers are really simple.

First, we are afraid to question anyone of the Muslim religion.  Why?  Political correctness is my guess.  This fact can be verified by Obama appointing two Muslims to Homeland Security Posts.  The announcement states that they are devout Muslims.  That seems strange to me since we never never see an appointment of a Christian or  a Jew saying they are devout in their religion.

Second, in the Military, you get rid of people by promoting them.  All military slots are determined by rank.  If the commander doesn't like someone and that someone has not committed an offense to be demoted then you promote him and send him off for someone else to deal with.

Anyone with half a brain could see Hasan was trouble.  But how to deal with that trouble.  No one is allowed to question a Muslim.  His religion is above reproach.  God forbid (my God, not Allah) anyone  to question the "American Muslims".  That would be " sacriMusligious".  So Major Hasan gets promoted and transfered.  Problem solved.  His new base Commander would have no idea how big of a problem Major Hasan could be.

Everywhere Major Hasan served, his fellow officers knew he was trouble coming.  This fact will be verified in a soon to be released article base on interviews with people who knew him.

What if anything can be done?  How much trouble are in?  Only Allah knows.  Obviously our Politicians, our reporters and our Military do not seem to know.


the rat is the banker

My previous post, "the rat & the squirrel",  was based on a true happening in my back yard.
The Hawk grabbed the Squirrel and the Rat lived happily ever after.  I ended by saying the Rat must have been a banker.

Jeeves and Lion Chiller both wondered "why a Banker"?

I saw this event as a small scenario depicting politics and the Banking World.  The squirrel, (the tax payers) has been gobbled up by the Hawk (our government) and the Banker (the Rat) goes his merry way with our money  and does not consider the plight of the Squirrel (the tax payers).

A really long stretch but that is what I thought when I wrote the blog.  In fact I still do.

Also, I hear they are going to come back for more.

See how much can be learned by observing your back yard


the rat and the squirrel

The morning was cool with the sun just breaking through the morning marine layer. A strange occurance was taking place on the power wires running behind the house.  A squirrel going east and a rat going west on the same wire. I was drinking my morning coffee and watching the event on the wire.  Whicn animal would prevail, the squirrel or the rat. When they were with in 4 of 5 feet they stopped and stared at each other.  Would they fight or would they both turn and go their separate ways? Would one give in and back away?  If so, which one?

Then there was a hawk soaring above.  Would they see it?  Would it attack?  Which was breakfast?  The squirrel?   The rat?  They were oblivious of the Hawk.  I was hoping the rat would be the main course but that was not to be.  The Hawk swooped, grabbed the squirrel and was gone.  The rat continued along the wire as if nothing had happened.

He must have been a banker.

About Me

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So Cal, United States
I am an apprentice writer of short stories and I also attempt a little poetry.