Eddy disappeared the top of his head with a hand gun.
Nobody wondered why.
When most people off themselves, it is done in a shroud of mystery.
“Why?” rings from and through their friends and family.
“There is so much to live for.”
Nobody’s voice rang out in horror for Eddy.
“So much to live for” did not apply to Eddy.
Eddy had nothing left to live for.
At least, that is what Eddy decided, so he shot himself and he did it with the efficiency that he used to have when he worked.
However, Eddy no longer worked but he had not forgotten efficiency. He simply put the gun to his right temple and pulled the trigger, blowing his mind all over a filthy alley and an emptty bottle of Thunderbird wine.
Eddy was a homeless drunk with no friends or family left to care about him. Whatever family he had left lived on the east coast. Eddy had left Boston some twenty years earlier to seek his fortune in the west. There were some second or third cousins living somewhere in the east but they either didn’t know about Eddy or they thought he was already dead.
His friends gave up on him a long time before he gave up on himself. They gave up on Eddy because he decided to drink himself to death and they did not know what to do so they just excused him from their minds.
Another drunk found him and called the police. After a short investigation they scooped him up and took him to the morgue. Eddie didn’t have any identification on him but he did have one of my business cards in the inside pocket of his worn out jacket.
The police called me.
I have no idea why he kept the card. I hadn’t seen or talked to Eddie in over two years. My last contact with him was when I took him to an Alcoholic Anomomous meeting and excused him from my mind.
I knew that if I stayed with him we would both end up in the gutter. I had clawed my way out and I knew Eddy had to claw his way out or not claw his way out. He was beyond my help.
But I was pretty sure he wouldn’t. His hurt was just too deep.
I had only been dumped by a wife.
He had lost a wife and a child.
But he did not lose them to divorce or separation.
He had lost them to the grim reaper.
He had lost them to death.
Eddy had been a hard worker with a young wife and a two year old son. They had just bought a new home with a pool and the worst thing possible happened. His wife lost track of the boy for a few minutes and he drowned in the pool. They were devastated.
But, that wasn’t the end of the heartbreak for Eddy. His wife committed suicide during the funeral of the boy. She told Eddy she needed to go home for something or some reason. She never returned to the funeral. When Eddy went to get her he found her lifeless body in the pool.
Eddy never recovered. He turned to alcohol to replace his wife and child. We all tried to help but his sorrow was too deep. He lost his job, his house and his friends. I was the last one.
He hadn’t changed much from the last time I saw him. He hadn’t been a big man to begin with and his diet of alcohol had taken away most of the weight he had. His face was gaunt and skinny and his flashing Irish smile and Irish grin that we all loved so much had left him long before the top of his head did.
But somehow Eddy looked peaceful.
I don’t know how God punishes drunks that commit suicide
but I believe in Eddy's case
God will show him all the mercy in his power.