directions to hell

One of the most recent fads to hit America is the GPS system. Everyone has to have one. They do not need one but they have to have one. They need to keep up with the neighbors.


I have never felt the need to buy one. I have figured out how to maneuver through the cities of Los Angeles, New York, San Francisco, Seattle, Salt Lake City, Atlanta and the ugly city of Buffalo, New York.

I accomplished this by having a map and some common sense.

Oh yes, I have been lost and I have hovered around my destination for long periods of time. However, I have always felt that the lost and hovering times were my adventures. I've seen places that I would have never thought of visiting. I have seen the barrios and the ghettos of several major cities and believe it or not I am glad that I have. (probably more glad to be alive)

When I am alone, being lost is not a problem. I just keep searching until I find what I am looking for.

My troubles start when my wife is with me. She has a lot of trouble controlling the car when I am driving. That does not stop her from trying.

She has a habit of telling me where to turn and adds to the problem by using her finger as a turn signal. I used to get mad as hell but over the years I have learned to accept her directions and not pay attention.

But now she has acquired a "Droid" phone. When she acquired the "Droid" she discovered that it has a built in GPS system. I can thank my techie son for that little tidbit of information.

"Oh goody," she said. "We will never get lost again." I just rolled my eyes wondering what I was in for.

It is really ugly. I mean the whole scenario of my wife and me driving to new destinations is ugly. At least it is ugly for me. When we get into the car out comes the "Droid".

"Turn left", says the "Droid."

"Turn left here," my wife says, with her finger pointing left as if I don't know which way left is.

The really excruciating thing is the damned "Droid" has to tell me how to get out of my own neighborhood.

Sometimes, just to stir the pot, I will not turn or I will turn the wrong way. They both start jabbering a mile a minute. The "Droid" wants me to turn at the first street I come to. It seems very paranoid that I am going to get lost.

My wife is upset because I "don't listen" and wants me to make a U turn at the next corner.

If I am lucky we are on a street with miles and miles of no U turn intersections. Then I can go into the back neighborhoods where even the "Droid" can't find its way out.

I keep my mouth shut and smile inwardly.

A guy has to have some fun.